Running(!), Bridesmaids, and Doughnuts

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Greetings friends, strangers, and family members who lovingly check in on my life.

How’s it going?

It’s JUNE. How did that happen?! I seriously feel like I was just bundling up every day and cranking my heater on a regular basis. Spring flew by, and while I know each year everyone seems to talk about how fast the time goes, for real this year seems even speedier. I’m just hoping this isn’t a sign of getting older…24 is ripe, I’ll tell you.

But let’s celebrate the time instead of commiserate its passing, shall we?

Plus, I have THINGS TO TELL YOU.

Friday Faves (obvs), AND I have some encouraging news. It’s not exclamation point encouraging, but exciting nonetheless.

;

I RAN. Well, ran-walked. And unlike Sunday’s fail of a walk-run attempt, I can confidently say that this excursion went well! Let’s back track a bit though and do a little lack-of-running recap.

Since doomsday the Tacoma Marathon, I haven’t been running at all. I tried a few times, realized very quickly that my IT band is shot, and since then I’ve been desperately trying to massage and ice and exorcise the stubborn demons out of my leg. It has been a month, which is pretty hard to believe—since it seems like only a little bit ago I felt fully recovered. Pathetic.

And no, I haven’t really been performing exorcisms on body parts. Yet.

Anyway, I have been sad, you have heard a lot about it, I have become a grumpy injured runner, etc. Whine whine whine.

Despite being peeved at anyone and everyone with fully-functioning legs, I actually have been more okay with this running leave-of-absence than I thought. After getting myself back together after that race, I realized that taking a step back was probably just what I needed. Although I’m sad it took an injury to fully solidify my “rest period,” the timing is without question the universe telling me to slow down. And slowing I have been.

Cue, Wednesday afternoon. I wanted to try walk/running again. I was/am tired of being inside on a spin bike while everyone in the entire world is out running.

(By the way, when you all of a sudden can’t run, every single person and their puppy seems to start running.)

It only took about 2 minutes in for my knee to seize in that all-too-familiar way, and so I started to walk, per run/walk standard procedure. After a minute, I started to run again, and after another two minutes…I realized my knee felt better. Not great, but not bad. While I am always hoping that one day I’ll wake up and the running gods will have waved their wands (the Stick) and made my ailments completely go away, at this point…I’ll take what I can get.

And guess what? I was out on my favorite route for 45 minutes!! 32 of which were running, and the others were spent stretching/walking. I didn’t even really care that I was having to walk at some points when I otherwise would have been flying by other people. It felt so good to be outside, by the water, and actually sweating from running. I know I had a big smile on my face the whole time, and I felt better after each spurt of running.

;

;

It would be a lie to say that my knee didn’t hurt afterwards, because it did. However, although the running is bringing on the IT band flare, it doesn’t seem to be making it worse, does that make sense? As in, the pain is there…but it’s not getting any more significant through movement.

The next day, I was sore but still pleased that for the first time in a month, I can say that I covered over 4.5 miles.

You cannot see my sweat, but it’s there!! And it’s from running!!

YAY

I’m going to try again perhaps Sunday, and with any luck this next attempt will be even better. Wednesday’s run was the first time I’ve actually felt hopeful about my running endeavors in a while, and that’s a good feeling.

ALSO. In other news regarding feeling like a runner…remember back when how I told you about my two dead toenails holding on for dear life? Yes, well, they have been hanging around, black and beautiful. I figured since I haven’t been running, they would calm themselves down and return to a semi-normal look.

So I go to cut my toenails last night, and I realize that one of my black nails is COMING OFF. Like, I could easily pick it up.

I’ll spare you details, you get it, but I am officially toenail-less. Which is nasty, no doubt, but it’s also a friendly little reminder that I am, in fact, a runner…injury or not.

Also, writing about cutting my toenails feels really TMI, so… sorry. Strange, because apparantly I have no qualms with talking about peeing my pants while running.

Moving on…let’s get onto some Friday favorites eh? I’ve been slacking recently, sorry, but I’m back and ready to deliver the goods. And by “goods,” I mean “random shit that I like that I’m going to tell you about because this is my blog and you are reading it.”

It’s fine.

Christian The Lion

If you have not seen this video, STOP what you are doing, no I don’t care if your boss can see, and watch this video. It is almost certain that everyone has seen it, but if not…you will not be disappointed.

This never fails to bring a smile to my face and actual tears to my eyes. I don’t cry from movies people, ever. But this is perfect. Animals really have the whole unconditional love thing figured out…if only we could catch on.

How much do you want to hug a lion after watching this? Also, Whitney is crucial to building the anticipation.

(Side note: When I say I don’t cry in movies, I’m really not kidding. However I need to inform you that no matter how immune to tv/movie crying you may be, if you watch the Glee season finale from this year while on a foam roller you WILL burst into heavy uncontrollable tears. Seriously, SOBS.)

Dixie Cup Ice Massages

Every runner should know about this contraption. Oh wait, I was the only runner who wasn’t doing it? Dang.

BUT I have made a few discoveries regarding the usefulness of freezing a Dixie cup full of water.

1) The functionality of icing your leg is highly improved by using this method as opposed to holding individual ice cubes and pointlessly running them along your leg.

2) This shit hurts. Due to increased grippage (thanks Dixie people), you can really dig into your muscles with this baby. Ice AND massage= two for one special! The concentration of a huge hunk of ice on a knotty IT band yields a good deal of pain, and with enough effort, this can be as brutal as the foam roller.

*Question for anyone who has done this…is it normal for me to be sore the next day from doing this last night?? I think I might be bruising.

Pink Lady Apples

I cannot believe I haven’t done this one before, but I actually don’t think this favorite has been on my list.

I can safely say that I eat an apple every single day. I love them, they are easily transportable, and they accent other things so well. With that said, I have made the rounds in terms of trying all different kinds of apples.

My key components are: crispiness, tartness, and size.

I love me a huge apple, which often times dictates which ones I pick up. Also lucky I live in WA, where the big apples are ample.

Through all my experimentation, Pink Lady apples are the winners in terms of consistency and appeasing all my apple must-haves. The are always hard, tart with a subtle sweetness, and they are generally big.

Galas and honeycrisps suffice when my favorite PLs are absent, but otherwise I will be a Pink Lady lover for life.

Bridesmaids

I know, I know. Old news, everyone has already ranted and quoted on and on about this movie.

Don’t care, it’s on the favorites.

This movie gets funnier every time I watch it, and so far I haven’t gotten sick of quoting or rewatching it. There are SO many funny things that aren’t even that obvious at first, and I credit it to the brilliance of Kristin Wiig and the probable ad-libbing that went on. Megan is obviously the best character, with Annie’s (K. Wiig) female roommate as a close second.

This is not going to be interesting whatsoever, but in case you are as obsessed as me and can identify these nuances, I’ll share some of my favorite lines which frequently make their way into my daily vocabulary. If you’re over this movie, just go ahead and skip ahead:

“Oh that’s prickly.”

“I’m glad he’s single cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree.”

“No it’s not… me.”

“Yea oh shit. Yea oh shit.”

“I’m just gonna snowball off of that and say Fight Club. Female Fight Club.”

“Well only because I’ve never had a drink!”

OK. Done.

National Food Holidays

I love food. I love when everyone else loves food, too. I don’t always participate, admittedly, but I think it’s a hoot when everyone’s all of a sudden buying grilled cheeses or cupcakes or eating peanut butter by the spoonful—which is super fun, any day of the year.

With that said…

Today is National Doughnut Day.

Celebrate accordingly.

I don’t really need an excuse for most things, but doughnuts are something I rarely have…so why not today, right?

PLAY WITH ME! What are your favorite things? What kind of apples do you like? Favorite Bridesmaids lines? Is my post-ice massage soreness kosher? Are you kosher? Is anyone really kosher? I’m done I’m done.

Class People

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I am going to be completely honest here and tell you that I really never thought much about exercise classes.

I always considered myself self-sufficient enough to take care of my own fitness, and in a completely judgmental and unfair way, I thought the reverse about people who went to classes. I’m a jerk, I know, and all I can plead is ignorance. I preferred keeping myself disciplined and designing my own workouts as opposed to someone telling me what to do. I figured classes were there for people who didn’t know how to exercise and needed encouragement and motivation from an instructor. Asshole, I know.

Fast forward to March 2011 (Or I guess rewind? Go with it):

Injured Robyn: Completely incapable of running, or even walking for that matter. Also, really effing grumpy.

Universe: “HA! Want to rethink judging those exercise classes, or drown in an out-of-shape pile of couch-sitting and Phish Food pints?”

Now, the Phish Food definitely happened, however at this point I realized that despite my aforementioned preference toward solo-cizing, in order to maintain a level of fitness—I would need to surrender at least some of my gym time to a professional instructor.

(Robyn, stop trying to make “solo-cizing” happen, it’s not going to happen. Thanks, Regina George.)

And you know what? I converted (ish). Spinning is a really darn good workout, and it necessitates a killer instructor who is kind of scary. Yoga is one of my most favorite things now, and not only does it make me stretchy and flexible (good for running), but it calms me down.

fyi: I NEED CALMING A LOT OF THE TIME.

Anyway, I am fairly certain that had I not been literally forced off the running-only wagon, I would never have found these other forms of sweating. Even when I was able to run again, I kept rolling on the cross-training bus, much of which included group-exercise classes.

Where am I going with all this? Well, if you haven’t been listening to my incessant blog rants, tweets, and merciful pleas to the universe(joke-ish), I am currently not able to run. I was robbed of a happy IT band in the Tacoma City Marathon, and since then I have had to be creative.

Luckily, thanks to last year’s injury, I was better prepared for how to keep myself in shape. (Dear world, if I must get hurt, let’s go for the winter months next time, cool?) In essence, I’ve been spinning and swimming like a madwoman. You would think I was preparing for a tri. Wait, am I? But, this time I wanted to actually try and take advantage of this temporary loss of my run love.

I committed to focusing the energy that is normally occupied with race registrations, long runs, and PRs on other aspects of my health—like  getting stronger and more bendy. I knew this would entail doing some of the things I normally avoid—such as venturing outside of the familiar spin room to—gasp!—another class. I have the yoga and spinning thing down…I’m a regular, the instructors know me, I’m comfortable with both. However these are the extent of my class experience.

My lack of attendance in other classes was due primarily to two things: 1) No time with marathon training and (honestly, more so) 2) apprehension. When I work out, I like knowing what I’m getting myself into. I like knowing beforehand that it will be worth my time, as in difficult and a good sweat, and I like knowing that I can get through it no problem. I didn’t really think that other group exercise classes would be beyond my physical condition, however as someone who is used to getting along no problem in a group exercise setting, I don’t like thinking of being the newbie who knows nothing.

Yes, I am psychotically competitive.

HOWEVER, I did vow to try. And try I have!

More specifically, I’ve been going to a “Maximum Sculpt” class at my gym, which was the least frightening choice when reading the online description. I knew the instructor, and the paragraph detailing what it included had enough familiar terms that I was comfortable testing it out.

It seems that I was not alone in preferencing this class—because when I arrived at 5:55 for a 6:00 am class, the entire room was full of everyone with their little stations of a step and weights and omg how much crap do we need??. So, obviously I pretended like I had been before, didn’t ask for help, and found the very last spot in the back of the room—which honestly I was grateful for.

And just like that, I was sweaty, tired, and humbled. Despite having a fairly strict routine myself, switching to something new proved that I have things I can definitely work on. My hammies were screaming after that first class, and lifting my arms to shampoo my hair was equivalent to bench-pressing BF.

Yes, you read that right—I do shower.

In essence, I was out of my comfort zone. And you know what? I’m totally digging it. As a creature of habit in all aspects of my life, I rarely stray from my normal routines—and exercise is perhaps the most perfect example. Because I can(could, sad face) run really long distances and lift weights on a semi-regular basis, I gave myself an out on not really pushing my body otherwise. I was so focused on running, and not having too sore of legs, that I was wary of ever doing anything else. And I didn’t care. I gave myself a get-out-of-jail free card and simply refused to try anything else.

Now, PLEASE remind me that I said this when I can run again, but I am realizing that we aren’t actually reaching our full potential by doing the same things over and over again. I know every exercise know-it-all preaches this, but I never really internalized it until I realized all the things my body couldn’t do. Naively, I figured that because my endurance was tip-top and I could run 26.2 miles, I had everything else in the bag.

Wrong.

Guess what? Running might be fantastic for many things, however just because you can run for three hours does not mean you have the fitness thing completely figured out. In that same breath, I am hoping to use this whole humbling I-actually-have-room-to-improve experience to teach me that while running might be my numero uno, I still need to focus on strengthening myself in other vacinities.

Running actually leaves a lot of our body parts quite weak, as I’m finding, and it’s due to these imbalances that a lot of injuries occur. Pounding out miles doesn’t always mean we’re getting better, and I’m recognizing the fact that the only way for us to get better is to do things that are uncomfortable. 

In this respect, I’ve sort of admitted to myself one of the biggest reasons I haven’t tried on any other exercise caps. It’s because I was/am afraid of it being hard. I know that sounds funny coming from someone who will willingly run 12 miles before the sun is up, however running is something that I know I can do. When I don’t know that I have the ability to excel at something, I get scared that it will be beyond my physical condition. Hence, the underlying reason why I never wanted to try out anything else.

Sure, it’s really easy for me to say these things when I don’t have the availability to run whenever I want, but it’s something I hope that injured and non-injured runners alike can recognize in their own habits. In running, in all physical conditioning, and in life, it’s the hard things, the things that are outside of our comfort zone, that actually make us better. It’s great to get comfortable…to know that we can knock out effortless miles day after day. But, that’s exactly the time that we should be looking at our weaknesses, and figuring how to improve upon those things. Plateauing is really easy when we stick to one repetitive routine, and it can be one of the fastest ways to injury, boredom, and actually losing our strength. I’m realizing now that I was absolutely plateauing when I was running a lot, and had I been a little less obsessive perhaps I would be in a different spot today.

So, I suppose for now—I am a “class person.” I am really, really enjoying getting my butt kicked by workouts, specifically when it’s facilitated by someone else. It’s good to see that despite having a lot of endurance strength, I have a lot of room to improve. Because despite how humbling it might be, it’s really exciting to see that I have a lot more potential—which gives me a lot of hope for my racing future, whensoever that may be.

I know I will always prefer to workout alone, but a little socialization never hurt anyone—and for someone desperate for another best friend while running takes a time out, a group setting could be just the ticket.

Now, talk to me: Are you a class person? Do you try to shake up your routine? Have you ever hit a running plateau?

Graduation Musings and Missing Running

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Hello!

How are you? I’ve missed you.

I am a very bad blogger, and I’m sorry about going AWOL for the past few days. I planned on blogging yesterday, and Friday, and then I just didn’t have time. I know you are all constantly anxiously awaiting my posts, and therefore I apologize for any weekend tension you might have been experiencing.

#sarcasm

Actually, I hope you spent this long weekend far away from your computer, frolicking in Memorial Day activities and other fun stuff. I sure was, let me tell you, and with the exception of a few sign-ins for work, I was virtually computer free for the past three days. It was heaven, and I really enjoyed the temporary escape from the digital world.

I spent this past weekend (Friday through Monday) in Colorado for my little brother’s high school graduation. It was all kinds of fun, and it was great to spend time with my family celebrating all my brother’s numerous achievements.

I’m not going to go into too many details about the weekend, because let’s face it that’s a little boring, but I will give you some photos:

The best way to write a grad-dinner toast/song? Why over HUGE airport beers of course.

Seattle U bound! So proud, so PSYCHED.

Preparing the meat and vegetarian version of the exact same dish. So progressive.

The oldest sibling, and the shortest. That’s totally fair.

There are two things I do want to mention about my weekend, namely because they are actually relevant to the context of this blog.

1) I ran! Well, ran-ish. It wasn’t spectacular, or honestly even that encouraging, but it happened, and for that I am glad.

I tried out the run/walk approach, circling only a short distance around my neighborhood because I wanted a quick escape should everything fail—and overall I would say it went okay. It wasn’t horrible, it wasn’t great, and it definitely wasn’t 100% pain free.

I ran for 2 minutes, walked for one minute, and stretched probably every five minutes. This was tediously time consuming, and the whole time I was hyper-aware of any knee pain. Near the end I definitely needed to not exasperate my IT band anymore, but it definitely felt like things were getting better.

I’ll take what I can get I suppose, and if this is the only way to get outside and in my running shoes, then this is the way I’ll go.

2)I did a workout DVD. This was very much a first for me, and I only really did it because my Mom and her partner Kate are on a kick of doing the Insanity workouts that are oh-so-popular right now.

Have you heard of those? They’re like the new P90X and apparently all the rage for people who use at-home workouts.

And let me just say this.

HOLY HELL

If you think you are in shape, go ahead and try and do one of these Insanity workouts.

Now, it probably had to do a bit with the altitude (my hometown is 6,000 ft. above my Seattle home) but this workout was so intense from start to finish, and had me quickly keeled over gasping for rest. It was super sweaty, fast, and worked every last muscle I have. And while I know I will always prefer the open road and my gym for exercising, I officially bow my hat to anyone who takes these on regularly. Also, the instructor Shaun T is very entertaining and jacked, which helps.

Other than those two excursions, my exercise for the weekend was very minimal, which normally would have really bothered me, but it felt necessary. I know I can jump back on the sweaty bandwagon full-speed ahead anytime, and a few days of relaxation never hurt anyone. In fact, I’m starting to realize it actually really helps. 

With that said, I am honestly pretty sad about not running. It’s not really about maintaining fitness or training or a runner’s high or anything like that. I can stay fit otherwise and there will always be races to sign up for on the other end of injury.

No, what I really miss is just running. Not before a run, suiting up and hydrating, and not after a run, basking in post-run glory. I miss the feeling of running itself. Floating along, arms pumping, breath steady, and my legs engineering the motion.

Certainly, I want to be prepping for and finishing long runs. I miss additional carbs in my dinners and adding Nuun tablets to my water bottles. I miss my favorite Thorlo-pad running socks and my handheld water bottle. I miss knowing exactly when and where I’m going to race again, and planning spontaneous 5ks. But honestly, these are all accessories.

These things I can get over when I’m injured, because they aren’t what running’s about. Running is about being present and feeling that you and your body are entirely in control. It’s about feeling that momentary sense of strength and grace all at once—and pushing through the tough moments to reach closer to our goals.

This is what I miss, and despite being able to stay positive, I can’t shake the feeling that I need to be out on the road.

The Runner’s World quote of the day this morning really reflected these thoughts about running, and while it echoed my sadness and frustration, it also made me smile:

“That’s the thing about running: your greatest runs are rarely measured by racing success. They are moments in time when running allows you to see how wonderful your life is.”

-Kara Goucher

I love this, and I love it because it is 100% true. Racing is great—it keeps us focused, motivated, and driven to be better—but the best part about running isn’t about racing. It’s the day-to-day joys we get, and I’m realizing more and more (because, when you’re injured, you get all reflective and existential) that this is why I love running. So many things in life are fleeting, and once-in-a-while. We look forward to certain events for so long, only to have them pass by so quickly. But running is something that can bring us happiness on a daily basis, and while we often emphasize racing and build up those competitive expectations, ultimately racing highs come second to the daily enjoyment of running.

And Kara Goucher agrees with me. And if one of the best marathoners in the world says that racing comes second, then I feel more content in settling on that mentality.

That’s all for now! And I’ll leave you with hint of a new experiment I’m planning on, well, experimenting with shortly.

Subtlety is my middle name

On that note…please tell me about some of your current running stories! I’m over being bitter (for today), and now I want to hear about all the great speed-work, races, long runs, etc. happening out there. Seattle Rock’n’Roll is coming up, and I know many of you out there are getting amped for it. So TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SWEAT!

Tri-Curious

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If you couldn’t tell from my oh-so-clever play on words post title, I’d like to talk about a whole new type of endurance animal, in the form of swim, bike, run.

Triathlons

Now, running has and will always be my first love—I bestowed it with soul mate status in my Valentine’s Day post, in fact.

However, as I’ve mentioned before, I do have some devotion to other sweat-enducing activities, namely—spinning and swimming. I like these two things because they are great supplements to running, as in great cross training, but I also like them because on their own—they’re a whole new physical challenge.

I feel like running gets all the credit sometimes as the most effective way to test and improve your fitness. I admit, I am totally guilty of doing this, because there’s no workout I prefer more than a long run. However, I really don’t think that biking and swimming should be given the shaft so quickly—because these can both be just as, if not more, effective in terms of boosting endurance strength.

Yes I just said that.

But, as someone who is currently out of the running game and needing to push herself otherwise, I’m finding a greater respect for these alternatives. Seriously though. If you haven’t swam laps since you first learned to swim back when you were a kid, I challenge you to get in the pool and knock out some freestyle. I think you will be amazed just how tired you get, even if your running strength is superb.

The other reason I’m a big proponent of these cross training activities is because they help our muscles recuperate from the wear and tear of running. Fact: running is not very good for your joints. Dean Karnazes and all you other freaks who never get injured and have perfect, unbreakable running genes—screw you. These specimens are rare. For the rest of us, running is a constant game of working hard, training hard, and all the while avoiding injury. If there were some magic pill that made running impact-less and perfectly healthy, I’d be first in line at the doctor begging for my prescription. But, that’s not the case—which is one the reasons I’ve steered my marathon brain slightly in the direction of multi-sport events.

As of right now, I am still planning on at least two half marathons and one full this year. One of the halfs is in question with my current asshole of a leg, but otherwise I’m all set for this running schedule. I’m probably definitely going to add more, let’s be honest, I just need to pull some triggers. And by “pull some triggers” I mean “get more paychecks.”

But anyways.

While I love running training, I am also getting more and more interested in adding some additional challenge into the mix, in the form of triathlons.

Fun fact: I actually did three sprint triathlons long before even considering a running race. They were back in high school, when I somehow magically just whipped out these events despite never doing any of the activities, and they were definitely fun. So, I’m thinking for a starting point—I’m going to register for a sprint tri near the end of the summer (cough Nicole Danskin cough). I should probably put a bit more thought into this, but the fact is that I swim, “bike,” and run enough to where a sprint tri should really be no problem. However, like I said—it’s a starting point.

Now, this is still under some consideration, but as of right now—I am planning on signing up for a half Ironman next summer.

Yikes, just said it. Scary.

I know that the training is hard, but I know it’s exactly the kind of new challenge I’m looking for. I love the idea of block workouts (consisting of two endurance-related activities) and learning how to balance my energy over a long period of time. Additionally, I feel like this will keep my love for running alive and well by mixing up back-to-back marathon training cycles with something different.

Ultimately, I want to reach for something higher. Crazy, indeed, after my brush with casualty in the marathon two weeks ago, but this is honestly the way I operate. Yes, I got knocked down, but I know when I get up again (meaning, fully functioning IT band and absolved fear of running on hills) I am going to be stronger, smarter, and more anxious to challenge myself.

The thing I’ve taken away more than anything from that ill-fated race is that the brain and the body must always work in harmony; even when they’re fighting with one another, battling over pain versus persistence, we must know each of them well enough to know which to listen to. This is something I had lost touch with—and for the first time in my life, my mental game outweighed my physical capabilities. It’s one of the hardest parts of being an athlete, and it’s something I’m looking forward to exercising (pun intended) in my future endurance endeavors.

Oh, and I also took away the fact that I was a cocky little shit and the marathon is really, really, hard…no matter how well your first (or many) may have gone.

So there you have it Internet. This birdie is slotting July 2013 as the month of her first half Ironman, with some warm-up tris beforehand. I’ll write more on my approach to this endeavor when it’s not over a year away, but for now I’m excited to have something different on the horizon. And in the meantime, I’m looking forward to running soon.

Rest, rolling, ice, and froyo people—and your IT band will slowly but surely start to like you again.

Fingers crossed 🙂

Have you ever done a tri? Do you think there’s a difference between tri-people and marathon-people? Do you think I should probably go and buy that road bike already? Yea, me too.

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde: Injured Runner Brain Dichotomy

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If you were sitting around on Saturday wondering why you all of a sudden you felt void of any stress or unhappiness, it’s because I had taken EVERY NEGATIVE FEELING IN THE WORLD and conglomerated it all into my own personal pity party. Yep, all my Friday positivity decided to completely dissipate come Saturday morning, and it took essentially all day to work myself out of my I-hate-everything-and-everyone funk.

Also, if I really could take away all your sadness, that would be very neat and I’m sorry I have not yet figured out how to steal away bad feelings.

It took until late Saturday night (imbibed with Footloose musical fever, tequila, and sleepovers with friends) til my grumpy self got over herself and I returned to a more stable, level-headed place.

Oh wait no, that’s never happened—stable and calm are not exactly my “strengths,” so let’s just say I returned to a happier, I-actually-don’t-want-to-throw-rocks-at-people state of mind.

Why the freak out, you ask?

Well, there are two things that send me into panic mode: picking the wrong dessert and not being able to undo it, and not being able to run. Since I had a fantastic helping of strawberry shortcake Friday night (read: a bowl of whipped cream sprinkled with bits of cake and some strawberries), I bet you can guess why I was pissed.

I want to run, I cannot run, seemingly everyone in the world is running, and I was/am sad.

I got all down and out on Saturday because all I was hearing about were PRs, registrations, long runs, carb loads, etc. and it all felt very far away. Truthfully, I’ve been out of the running game for just over two weeks, but in a runner’s brain that is approximately equivalent to forever. Every day without running counts for about three weeks of real time, and it feels like the further away I get from it, the less accessible it seems.

There is a big, gaping, holy-hell don’t fall in that hole difference between what I know and what I think. My knowing self is rational, practical, and reasonable. She’s the part of me that graduated from college, that listens to my mom, and that decides, “Okay, you probably don’t need dessert number 3 of the night.”

Then there’s my thinking self. The self that spirals herself into a state of senseless panic over absolutely irrational thoughts. She is the over-reactor, the freak-out mode professional, and the reason behind a lot of my less-than-finer moments. Sorry BF for reminding you about all those.

Okay, my “thinking,” of-the-moment self isn’t always such a whiny little bitch, and there are certainly redeeming parts to her, however she tends to get in trouble when her spasms overrule her knowing counterpart.

Case in point: I know I will be fine. I know this isn’t *too* serious. I know I ran a marathon faster than my training and no-shit-sherlock I’m probably still feeling those effects. I know that I can maintain my fitness without running. I know that I will race again before long. I know that Chipotle is the best food ever.

Commence Saturday’s “thinking” routine: I think I won’t run all summer. I think everyone else is going to have fun and run fast and improve while I disintegrate into a running-less glob of rage. I think I’m going to have to start  over from scratch when I can run again. I think I will never stop being injured. I think everyone loves their life while I have to be sad all the time.

STOP ME NOW. And eventually I did. Shut the eff up Robyn…that’s what my knowing self eventually came and said, while she fed me lemonadey cocktails and hit me over the head with my running shoe.

Fact: No I can’t run right now.

Fact: I will run again.

Fact: Things could be a lot worse, and I need to eat my own words.

Seriously, one of the things I like about blogging is that it keeps us accountable. Despite the fact that I kind of hate the power of the internet, it is pretty impactful to go to your own website and see the words that you’ve so ardently preached. It’s a really good kind of humbling, and it keeps my in check with my rational self when my crazy lady takes over.

So I can’t run for now. I still have all my limbs, a roof over my head, a very wonderful male friend who lives with me, and a lot of other good things going on. Yes I’m sad I can’t take off on a long run, or even a mile-long run, without fear of IT pain. But hopefully maintaining a more sensible outlook and a relative perspective will keep the storm calm.

I apologize for revealing the whiny pity-party that I went through on Saturday. Afterward I felt silly and I actually a little embarrassed. However, I think it’s an important message for runners to remember, as I am always and endlessly reminding myself of it:

Running is important. It’s part of who we are, and we love when we get to do it. However even when we aren’t doing it—we’re still runners. Being injured is a part of being a runner, the two go hand-in-hand. I know I still think of running friends and bloggers that are injured as runners, and there’s no reason I should count myself out of the game due to a temporary decrease in mileage.

The hardest part is keeping this lesson in the front of our minds. Even as I was typing all that out, I could hear the small voice in my brain aching to be out running, and crying over the fact that I was not.

Those voices don’t need to be shut out, in fact they should be listened to, but they shouldn’t overwhelm us. All the sad non-running thoughts exist because it’s something that we love—and, frankly, because you always want what you can’t have.

But you know what? Bodies heal. And the best part about running? It’s going to be right there waiting whenever that healing is complete. Races are always going to be happening, training is always going to be readily available, and all the running routes in the world aren’t all of a sudden going to get up and skip away before you get a chance to trot them again.

So what am I trying to say here? Well, honestly, most of this writing was for myself. I hadn’t really planned on this post going in this direction, which I think is a sign that I needed to do some therapeutic reflection. And I do feel better. I’m still confident that the longevity of this lingering pain is getting shorter and shorter, and in the mean time I’ll be planning my future race endeavors (info on that soon!) and staying off my Twitter feed on weekend mornings.

In fact, I think I should do that no matter what my current state of physical health may be. The internet is great, hello stress-relieving-blog-posting and meeting sweet people , but there’s also a black hole effect to it. Stepping back, living real life, and letting all the ramblings of the world sit for a while is always a healthy practice.

And just so you know, I actually do love hearing about everyone’s PRs and goals and such. I was just a negative nancy for a while in there, and please don’t be afraid to tell me about your running-filled fun.

Thanks for reading about my two-faced mindset on being injured. I know I’m not alone in this type of back-and-forth ness between being okay with not running and hating every single person with fully functioning legs. It’s the nature of the running bug beast—that little devil.

Now tell me, if you feel so inspired, what was the best thing you gained from a time when you could not run? Dare I say—how did being injured make you thankful?

Friday Favorites: Massages, Wanderlust, and Metabolism Overload

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Good morning! I hope everyone’s excited for their weekend endeavors—I for sure am. Some upcoming highlights will include seeing one of my best friends perform in Footloose, lots of spinning, trying some local brews, and (hopefully) painting my new garage sale purchased dresser.

I rage. That’s what I’m really trying to tell you.

No running in there, but it’s okay…

I had my first experience with a sports massage yesterday, and although I went into it expecting to shriek in pain and hobble out crying, it really wasn’t so bad. Sure, it wasn’t necessarily pleasant, but homegirl masseuse (Nancy) definitely knew her stuff and she worked the crap out of my IT band and other muscles I don’t remember the names of. I’m wonderfully sore today, and she said with rest and icing and rolling and all that jazz —she gives me a quick recovery time.

Note to everyone: If you give me these kind of diagnoses, I will love you forever and we will be BFF. Even if you don’t have a PhD, that is overlooked for the sake of positivity.

She was fairly certain that standard IT band tightness is my issue, and she was pretty quick to blame the hills during the marathon for igniting all these leg problems. INTERESTING NANCY, ME TOO. In fact, I plan on blaming those hills for every problem that has and will ever happen to me from now on.

….kidding. But only kind of.

Let’s stop all this injury rubbish though, shall we? Injuries go away, running will return, and right now it’s Friday.

Friday Favorites have been gone for far too long, so let’s hop to it eh?

-The Pandora App

For those of you with a smart phone, who do not currently have this app, I highly recommend it. It’s probably my most used one (with the exception of my email and probably Scramble with Friends), and ever since I got it I’ve had a lot more music going on in my life. My favorite new habit is playing it while I’m in the shower—making cleaning time all the more enjoyable.

Although it’s already pretty enjoyable, seeing as it doesn’t happen as often as it probably should.

I have a very specific routine of listening to the Glee Cast radio while in the shower (songs from musicals and Disney movies are clearly the most belting-worthy), and then I switch to some country crooners for the rest of my preening process.

By preening, I mean getting dressed and putting my wet hair in a bun.

And by country crooners, I mean holy hell I am completely a country music person how did this happen and will it ever stop?

And speaking of musicals…

-Spring Awakening

No matter who you are—Broadway fan or no—if you get the chance to see this show, GO. You may have heard all the hype behind it that took NYC by storm a few years ago, and I can assure you that the actual show delivers. I saw it for the second time a few weeks ago, and I was even more impressed than the first time—which never happens.

It’s wildly scandalous, in the best kind of way. It’s not really a family show—so don’t say I didn’t warn you—but I think it would be hard to find another stage production that gets more  passionately real than this coming-of-age story.

– This Quinoa Creation

Remember when I said that recently I’m doing things I don’t normally do? Well I’m about to do something else…give you all a recipe!

Now, the “cooking” that goes on in our household normally consists of either rotating between the same 4 meals, making green smoothies and pb&j on rice cakes, and going to our local grocery store for pre-made food. There’s rarely something new and exciting, however there is one thing we consistently have that is one of my absolute favorite meals. It’s easy, it’s great for runners/athletes, and it makes me think that I have a bit more of a culinary repertoire than steaming vegetables and cooking rice. Which sometimes doesn’t even work.

Anyways…lots of protein, lots of different flavors, and LOTS of leftovers.

1 cup quinoa

1 can black beans

1 can corn

steamed greens- we usually do kale or spinach

1 zucchini, sauteed or steamed

dried cranberries

sunflower seeds

Instructions: Put all ingredients in bowl. Mix. Serve! BF and I normally put this mixture in some tortillas for a quinoa taco concotion, but it can easily be done in a bowl. Also, I recommend some sort of dressing—we use the Goddess dressing from Trader Joe’s, but it’s up to your preference. Also, there will be a lot of leftovers—which is one of the best parts.

-Garage Sale purchases

This is the aforementioned dresser that I bought last weekend. West Seattle was having 360 garage sales on Saturday, yes you read that number right, and some of the proceeds were going to various worthy causes. In other words, there was mayhem all over my neighborhood in the form of crazy people scuttling around in search for other people’s junk. I really didn’t want to be one of these people, however there was one item I was in some desperate need of and had been putting off for far too long.

My current dresser from IKEA is about one loose screw away from completely dismantling and falling apart. The bottom drawer is completely dysfunctional, I can only open one drawer at a time or else it will fall over—standard, “I only wanted to pay $100 for this and didn’t even put it together right” first-world problems.

So, off I went into the garage sale inferno, coffee and neighborhood map in hand.

Not kidding, the THIRD house I drove by had the above dresser sitting right in front, and about 3 minutes between seeing it and making sure it was use-able, cash was exchanged and now she’s mine.

Suggestions for a paint color?? I’m thinking of getting all Pinterest-creative with this endeavor. Something not too girly, but something that will dress up a nearly all-white room.

-Traveling

Now, I’m adding this to my favorites list with some bittersweet-ness. Does that even make sense? I don’t know, go with it.

I love to travel, and when asked what my favorite things are—it is definitely high on my list. In fact, next to running…traveling may be a contender for the top spot in my favorite things.

However, this is making the list this week specifically because I am experiencing some big time nostalgia for Europe and intense wanderlust. I made the mistake (was it a mistake? maybe just a tease?) of reading one of my friend’s blogs this morning—and she happens to be living, traveling, and experiencing Europe completely independently, and it all sang to a deep yearning within me.

Honestly, if I were single and without a job, I have a very strong feeling that I would be far out of the U.S. When I was abroad, I was close to the happiest I’ve ever been, and I promised then myself that I would see more of the world. I loved the feeling of being self-reliant, navigating my way through new places without knowledge of the language, all by myself. It was liberating, it gave me a whole new appreciation for just how wonderful this world is, and it’s something I dearly miss.

Truthfully, no one really wants to hear about abroad experience…with perhaps the exception of your grandparents and other people who visited the same places as you. So I’ll spare you the details. However, I’m making you look at some of my favorite photos from Europe—hey, I needed an excuse to look at all my old photos.  I’m really gunning to get the opportunity to scratch this itch before too much time passes. I feel like part of me is missing, and while I am so appreciative of all that I have here, I do know that there is a lot more I want to see.

Trevi Fountain, with gelato in hand. Apparently I painted my nails then also?

In Prague—my 21st birthday. Splendor.

Santorini, Greece. DONKEY RIDE!

The best beer, the best chocolate, and the best roommates. And Mean Girls.

my backyard in Prague, NBD

Ferry boat off of Athens.

On a Greek island, drink in hand, broke as crap, and in love with life.

 

That’s all for today! I would also like to state that I had one of those unending hunger streaks last night when I got home, and it still hasn’t let up. After snack after snack after dinner after frozen yogurt, I’m still a bottomless pit. Which is kind of fun, but a little daunting. A massage effect maybe? I took today off from any activity in hopes of slowing down my appetite…but this feels like a very belated post-marathon insatiability. GIVE ME ALL THE FOOD.

NOW YOU! What are your favorite things this week? What are the best places you’ve traveled to? Paint color recommendations for my dresser?  Fun weekend plans? If you have a long run, just don’t tell me. Or lie. 

 

 

 

Doing Things I Don’t Normally Do

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I’m not going to jump to conclusions, and I’m certainly not one to live life in a “worst-case-scenario” kind of mind set. However, I am starting to internalize the fact that there will not be any running in my immediate future.

I am trying to live this day-by-day, mostly because I get too depressed if I think too far out, but also because I really don’t know how long this IT band issue is going to be, well, an issue. So, without a medically-officiated recovery timeline or any actual doctor advice whatsoever, I am deciding to do two things: take it one day at a time and  find the silver lining.

I will never, ever, be completely comfortable knowing that I’m unable to run. I am a runner, it’s so much a part of who I am, and when I’m unable to partake in my favorite activity, I feel scared and a little lost. I have come back from injuries before, I know I can and will get through them, but there is a stubborn seed planted deeply in my brain that cannot help but long for nothing more than a run. I know I am not alone in this type of thinking, and in fact I think most runners—once the sport gets under their skin—feel exactly the same way. I love running all the time, but nothing makes me really crave a run like being told that I can’t do it. 

So while the yearning and sadness is definitely there, I am finding that instead of drowning in a pit of “I’ll never run again” despair, I’m trying to take this as an opportunity instead of a set back. I think one of the biggest things we feel as injured runners is that all our fitness will evaporate if we take some time off, and we’ll have to start over as slow, wheezing couch potatoes. 

This is not true. Sure, you probably won’t be able to come back to running in marathon shape, maybe not even half-marathon shape, but it is absolutely possible to maintain your fitness and strength when you can’t run. I did not run a single step for three months last year…and four months after I was healed, I was running my first marathon. Please note that three of these months were spent training for the race.

I was certainly intent on keeping up my endurance during my injury period, which made the return to running much quicker, and I think it’s important for runners to remember that while the alternatives may not be as freeing or fun as a long, sweaty run in the sunrise—they will ultimately help you get back in your running shoes. And in fact—they can make your running better.

Which brings me to my current state of affairs. While I’m not sure how long I’m going to be out, and obviously I’m hoping for a short-term recovery as opposed to an extended period of time, I’m deciding to use this time to work on all the things I typically neglect. 

I’ve been finding myself doing things out of my regular routine recently, particularly exercise wise. And by “recently,” I’m being quite literal…as in, the last few days, seeing as I ran a marathon 9 days ago and only felt fully recovered this past weekend. The most effective “lemons into lemonade” mode of operation at this point is to do all the things I normally don’t do/can’t do when I’m logging heavy mileage. 

Although, Paul Rudd does give a viable option as well…

LOL

Anyways, bailing isn’t necessarily an option. I’ve invested too much money on running shoes, gear, and race registrations. Plus, I couldn’t give up even if I wanted to. So instead I’m focusing on these types of things:

-Leg strengthening

I think the last time I did anything close to a lunge was in high school track. Seriously. I never ever do any kind of weights regimen for my legs because I never want them to be sore for my runs. I always figured that I was getting enough leg strengthening through running, so I totally short-changed myself in the weights room department. NOTE TO ROBYN: Running targets certain leg muscles, but ignores others, leaving you SUSCEPTIBLE TO INJURY.

Okay, I did know this…I just figured spinning was making up for my lack of any hip/leg/glutes strengthening. And maybe it was helping, but nothing beats to power of honest-to-goodness lunges, squats, clams, etc. Give ’em to me baby, and please find someone to lift me out of bed when my legs don’t work afterward.

– Biking

I’m going to address this in an upcoming post, but my interest in taking up biking is reaching a peak. I currently have a nice little hybrid cruiser, which is fine for riding to the grocery store or around the neighborhood, but as for real-deal Lance Armstrong riding? No can do. I need to get a real bike if I want to be serious about this, and it’s something I’m committing to doing before summer really starts.

(This is your cue to keep me accountable!)

(I never ride my bike to the grocery store, or around the neighborhood. It sits by the side of my house 24/7. That previous statement was me pretending like my $300 Craigslist purchase was being used.)

– Arm, core, etc. things

I always like feeling strong, and although I definitely do arm and core strengthening work, my routine is somewhat hum-drum, and honestly…it’s probably becoming ineffective. Essentially, every other day I’ll do the same repetitions of the same exercises, with the same weight used, and I am fairly certain my body has become immune to it. I always loved the idea of really pushing my muscles to their potential and maybe achieving a bit more definition, however when all my exercise time is devoted to running—these things fall to the way-side. 

Look out Muscle Beach, I’m coming for you. Well, no, you’re in California, but you get the point.

-Yoga

I love yoga. I haven’t always loved yoga, and there was a period of time when I scoffed at all the asana-namaste-om-om-om-om-warrior 8 loving people out there. But a few good classes and magical instructors later, I was a born-again yogi, and I would really like to devote some energy into developing both the habit of going regularly and my skills on the mat.

Yoga is one of the reasons I think I’ve been somewhat injury-free for the past year, with the exception of these past two or so months (INTERESTING how the three weeks I didn’t go to yoga were directly followed by my knee bursitis). Frankly, yoga is normally done as a supplement to my other forms of exercise, and it’s really unappealing to go to a class after work when I’ve already spent two hours of my morning sweating. 

However, when I’m there, I love it, and not just for the sweet planks and stretching that happens. If you haven’t already taken notice (and if not I’m assuming this is your first time here—so HI!) I am a wee bit intense and competitive. Yoga takes me out of my “Must plan and get excited for everything that will ever happen ever!” brain for an hour and helps me focus on being in one place. I know this is the very basic level of yoga—being in the moment—but for someone like me, it takes a lot of effort and concentration to really get to that kind of present state of mind. When I do, though, I feel more grounded, centered, and calm—all good things.

Upping the yoga. Also, I stick mainly to level one classes…which is honestly due to laziness.  I know I can keep up with a higher level, and THANKS TO NOT RUNNING<—-did you see me say that??? I’m going to try and focus more energy on being hopped up on Zen.

What am I trying to say? Well, truthfully, I’m warning you that many of my upcoming posts are probably going to be complaining about being sore. That was the whole point of this post—warning you about my up-and-coming whine fest. 

…also a wine fest is something I don’t normally do that I think should happen asap.

Okay, that’s not really my point. Ultimately, I’m trying to spin this running-leave-of-absence into a positive. I know I am not always going to see it that way, and I am certain there will be some complaining along the way, but I’m trying. And for now, that’s really the best I can hope for.

On one final note, if there were ever a time to focus on all the other great things to do besides running, I think it’s right now. After catapulting myself into the ground during the Tacoma Marathon, I think this IT band rubbish may be a blessing in disguise. An opportunity to reconnect with the world outside of running, and to reestablish a healthier, less-medical-tent filled relationship with the sport I love so very much.

So running, you can sit on the shelf for now. And although I am going to stare at you longingly and lovingly, I want you to sit back and relax while I make acquaintances with things like heavy weights, side crow, and drenching every spin bike in my gym with glorious sweat. We’ll be back together at some point, and it’s going to be sweeter than ever. 

If you weren’t running (or perhaps you’re not?) what would YOU decide to focus more energy on? Rock-climbing? Zumba? Channel-surfing? Knitting? Having calves that actually fit into boots? Tell me! 

 

 

A Little Sad, but More Happy

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Cheerio all you folks out there.

How’s it going?

I’m going to be straight and tell you I had an especially peppy and optimistic post planned for today, however that plan has derailed a bit. There will still be pep, and maybe even some pizzazz, but for now I am allowing myself 60 seconds of bitching. After that, I’ll be done…but I need to shake some anger, so be warned.

After the hardest race ever, and after VERY CAREFULLY resting and recuperating my IT band has decided to be a huge a-hole and all of a sudden develop ITBS in the form of bad knee pain. I can’t really run, I hate it, and it’s ALL I WANT TO DO. I currently want to throw rocks at everyone that can run in the perfect, ideal, OMG SO PRETTY Seattle sunshine, and I get jealous even seeing people in  running clothes.

Dramatic? Yes. I know I ran a marathon only 8 days ago, and some pain may be lingering. However, I am currently void of all residual race soreness and aches, and I’m unfortunately thinking that I’ve got a pissed-off IT band that’s here to stay for a while. AND running is literally the only thing that bothers it. Spinning? No problem. Swimming? Piece of cake. But one mile into a run, I’m crippled with knee pain and I have to turn around. I’m pissed, I’m trying to be hopeful, but I would really enjoy going at least a few months without a new injury. DAMN YOU running shoes/form/gods/whatever that is ailing me with issues.

Okay, done.

Can you tell how my morning started out? Yup…a solid 18 minute run in which more than half was spent walk/running. This was the first time I’ve attempted running since last Thursday(when I first felt the pain), and until this morning I have had no knee pain whatsoever. Booooooo.

Sorry, sort of went back to bitching there. Anyways, this is definitely a marathon-ripe injury and completely new to me. Anyone have ITB syndrome issues before? Care to share on your experiences/remedies? My foam roller has been feeling some hot lovin’ these past few days, but otherwise I’m not totally sure how to tackle this.

How about some happiness now?

Great.

I spent the weekend basking in the sun. Literally, that’s about all I did…and it was splendid. My skin doesn’t necessarily agree with the whole “splendid” part, but it will get over it once it cools off and accepts its new glow as opposed to its wintertime pasty horror.

After a double-spin class(my favorite!) on Saturday morning, there were few things I did the rest of the day that did not involve drinking a cold beverage, lying on the beach, reading a book, or eating. I wore a dress and everything. Part was spent with friends, part was spent alone, it was all-around a grand ole time.

Coffee! Book! Sun! Beach! Dress! Exclamatory single-word sentences!

Also, if you weren’t aware, the Lakers beat the Nuggets in GAME 7 on Saturday night, and while BF hated me for a while during the game, it was awesome and I will be reaping the bragging benefits for an indefinite period of time.

The sweet taste of victory is even better than a HUGE scoop of ice cream, which also happened this weekend.

Sunday was also spent in the sun, on a canoe! A good friend of mine works at a sleep-away YMCA camp, and she has access to Puget Sound boating galore. In celebration of her birthday, some of us took a massive “tribal” canoe to a tiny island out in the San Juans. Porpoise and bald eagle sightings, beer-on-board, and sunshine—I was one happy camper. And not to mention the scenery was absolutely fantastic.

Mountains and sea, I love you. Yes, this photo needed to be HUGE.

The paddling was about an hour each way, and my back is feeeeeeling it today. I love doing things that are out-of-the-ordinary, and yesterday was one of my favorite days in a long time.

On my drive to the canoe ride, I was traversing along the exact path of about miles 20-24 of the marathon from last week, and just seeing the path made my shudder. I feel like I might develop some PTSD from that race—like seriously—and while I cursed every last hill and turn while running the actual race, I can’t help but want redemption.

In due time though…all I want now is to run. Particularly, I want to do a long run; I’m already ready to rekindle my Saturday morning routine of sweaty miles, but for now…given the whole IT band asshole thing…I’ll settle for baby steps.

Drinking via your medal’s bottle opener counts for redemption, right? Or rebellion perhaps? TACOMA WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

I’m thankful that I can do the other things I enjoy in terms of exercise, and I’m certain—as always—that once this hiccup goes away it will make running all the more sweeter. Because at this point, the only thing that sounds sweeter than running is a pound or two of strawberry shortcake, which will likely happen once or ten times this week.

Now….Tell me what you did in the sun this weekend! Seattle friends, I know you all got your sun-on for sure. And if not, WHO ARE YOU?! Go away. Also, does anyone have advice for post-race IT band issues? Or just ITBS ailments in general? 

 

 

Friday Lessons, Mustaches, and Pandas

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It’s Friday already? I mean, awesome, but this week has flown by—which is odd, because I feel like I’ve been moving at a sloth-like pace through it.

Anyways, welcome to the end of the week!

Here is a picture of an adorable panda to get us off on the right foot:

PANDA DON’T BE SO SAD! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET DOWN!?! I WILL HELP YOU! I LOVE YOU!

It has been too long since I included some cuteness in my posts. The shame!

I know I always do Friday Favorites, and I know I’ve been skipping out on it recently in favor of being thankful and talking about existential running jargon, and I PROMISE I’ll start faves again soon….but not this week. Sorry, I know you’re day is probably ruined.

I just have too many other things to say! And since I have limited blogging time availabile…I need to squeeze things in when I can.

So, we all know by now that my race on Sunday went differently than I anticipated. (And if you don’t know, check it out here, because I know your curiosity must be ON FIRE right now). Can you tell I’m caffeinated? I am.

Anyways, there has been a lot of post-race reflecting, pondering, and Nutella consumption going on around these parts, and while I am not ready to dismiss the seriousness of what happened by any means, I am literally unable to not try and find the silver lining and move forward. Eternal optimist—I can’t help it, and I am a big believer that all experience is good experience, even when that experience involves the inability for the nerves in my brain to signal my legs to move.

With that said, I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve learned from this whole ordeal. Truly, the big lessons will probably take a little while to fully emancipate, however I do feel like I’m squeezing all of the personal-growth juice I can from all this.

Ew, sorry, “juice” should not be used to describe anything other than something that comes from a fruit.

You get it though.

So…let’s get a move on. Here are some things I’ve learned, both big and small, through the race that quite literally swept me off my feet (and not in a Ryan Gosling dream sequence kind of way).

-I have “awesome” veins.

After I was removed from the ice bath and my temperature was going down, the nurses/doctors were helping to stop my muscle cramping by using a lot of compression on all my limbs. One of the women behind me was all, “Wow, you have awesome veins!” and although this could mean a) I am easy to stick with a needle b)she was being nice about the spider veins all over my body or c)both, at the time I took it as a compliment.

I might have “awesome veins,” but the lady doc doesn’t really have “awesome IV sticking abilities.” I also have “awesome bruising skills.”

– The pacer stick is not very heavy at all.

One of the things I have always been SUPER impressed by in terms of the people who pace a race (besides the fact, obviously, that they are guaranteeing a certain finish time over 26 or 13 miles) is that they are CARRYING something while running. I can barely handle carrying a handheld water bottle, and I get stressed thinking about carrying anything more than a few gels and my own body weight. You can imagine my horror, then, when the 3:40 pacer (mustache man, if you remember) asked me to hold the pace stick while he went pee in the woods.

Him: “Hey can you hold this for a bit?”

My Brain: “WTF WHO DO YOU THINK I AM I HAVE ONLY RUN ONE MARATHON I HATE YOU!”

Me: “Totally, no problem.”

Surprise! It’s really light, and actually very manageable to run with. And despite my momentary panic, I decided that his decision to offer ME the carrying stick actually translated into:

“You’re such a super star runner, Robyn. My mustache and I respect you and your flawless form and I have no doubt you could take over my pacer job. In fact, you should be a pacer yourself.”

That’s exactly what he thought, and despite the fact that his mind *might* have changed when he saw me being cradled like an infant by the Medical Director, I still think we have an everlasting bond through our 3 minutes of a pace-stick exchange.

BFF photo

– Knowing your target HR=helpful when running a marathon

I’ve said this before, but I don’t own a Garmin. I was always very happy with my little blue Timex, and I actually enjoyed the added freedom of not knowing exactly how far I had gone on a run or how fast I was going. I liked calculating these things afterward instead—meaning that while I can claim to be a “pure” runner while actually out on a run, I do still really care about distance and pace. Something I am not able to calculate too easily without an electronic device is my heart rate, and I believe this knowledge would have been a good indication of how over my limit I was on Sunday.

So, I’m giving in: For both my safety (and the fact that I really, really want one) I’m going to invest in a Garmin, finally. Having one doesn’t mean I need to wear it on every run I go on, however knowing my ideal HR on long runs will help me avoid the situation I got into.

In that regard…suggestions? I just want pace, distance, HR, and a light…for when it’s dark.

– Always have someone you know with you at a race

Certainly, everyone wants supporters to cheer them on at a race—it’s so motivating to know that you have friends, family, or pets out there on the course or finish line, gunning for you to run a stellar race. However, as I have discovered, it is almost equally if not more important to have people there for the bad things that can happen along with the good.

If you remember, I came *this* close to running the Eugene Marathon (and yes I am totally, 100% okay with the fact that I didn’t run the flat, fast course instead of Hill Town Tacompton, clearly). BUT had I run Eugene, I would have been there completely solo, as BF wouldn’t have been able to come, meaning that if something like this would have happened, I wouldn’t have had anyone I knew on the sidelines. No one to drive me home, no one to be there in the medical tent, and no one to report to my family that everything was okay.

When I was coming out of my overheated delirium, all I wanted was for BF to come and be with me, and I can’t imagine how much scarier that situation would have been without someone I knew present.

So sure, I definitely love having people there to cheer me on, but I know now just how important it is to have someone there for a worst-case scenario as well.

Thanks for coming see me “finish” a marathon Corey, you’re the best sister.

– There is such a thing as “marathon peeing”

YOU GUYS, this happened. I couldn’t believe it, and I’m still having a hard time thinking back to it all, but for reals—around mile 22, there I was…a self-sufficient, mature(ish) 24-year-old, peeing my pants on the run.

Now, if you haven’t heard of this before, please don’t click out of my blog out of disgust and shock—because truly, I had no idea I was capable of this. I knew that people did it…instead of stopping at the porta potties, they just straight peed their pants, but I always assumed this was people who had itty bitty bladders and were going for a world record. I NEVER have to pee when I run, but somehow my ample mid-race hydration caught up to me…and there it was.

I was in my cloudy “Make it stop” state when it happened, so it didn’t really register at the time, but when one of the doctors afterward asked me, “When was the last time you peed?” I started cracking up and said, “On the course!” which I thought was absolutely hilarious. At this point, I still had a 105 degree fever, which probably aided my light-headed humor, but now thinking back…it is hilarious, and clearly I have no shame.

Luckily, an ice bath quickly cleanses peed-in shorts, so wearing my shorts afterward wasn’t entirely unbearable.

SEXY. That’s why you date me BF, isn’t it? Cause I’m so “Not  so fresh and not so clean clean.”

– After a marathon, your body declares full autonomy over you.

Yes, we should always listen to our bodies. And yes, I hardly practice what I preach in this regard, but when it comes to the week after a marathon, we hardly have a choice.

Every action I’ve been taking this week has been dictated by my body, and anything too difficult for it is quickly stopped in its tracks. I’m able to swim and spin no problem, and both are adding some really helpful blood flow…however running, not so much.

I felt good enough yesterday afternoon to (very slowly) try out my post-marathon legs. So while I said, “Yes! Let’s run!” my body quickly replied with “NOT!” in a very in-your-face Borat kind of way.

After about a quarter mile, my right knee/IT band/fibula/etc started getting really tight, and it was not having it. BF and I were “running” together at the time, and I had to tell him to go on ahead while I waited with a pissed off leg (Not to be confused with a “pissed on” leg, which I also know about…see above). Fortunately, he is a kind soul and quickly returned to walk back to our starting point with me, and I am going to wait a few more days until trying to run again.

I admit that I quickly panicked that I have some long-term injury that will disable me from running the entire summer (rationality is my strong suit), however I know that you cannot trust any post-marathon pains until the race wear and tear eventually works its way out. Truthfully, I think my muscles are just still really recovering, and my foremost goal right now is to listen my body above all else.

Sorry ladies, you’ll have to wait.

And with that said…

– It is okay to back off.

This is perhaps the biggest understanding I’ve reached so far in the reflection I’ve done over this race. I know it is definitely going to take a while to really internalize it, because it completely contradicts the way my brain works—but it’s something I know will make me a much smarter athlete and runner.

My problem during the race (and I suppose in my day-to-day life) is that I refuse to let myself back off from not trying my very hardest. For better or for worse, I hate thinking of myself as someone who doesn’t give their absolute best—because that’s the way I always like to operate. It’s the reason why I love always having a hard, satisfying workout, why I don’t like taking days off, and why I got myself into the circumstances leading up to my collapse on Sunday. I thrive on pushing myself, on knowing that I worked hard, and it’s the way I have and will probably always choose to operate on a daily basis.

Most of the time, this is a good thing. It’s good as a runner, an employee, and just for general productivity. However, as is always the case, it is possible for there to be too much of a good thing. Case in point, the Tacoma Marathon.

So, I suppose what I’m mostly realizing is that I don’t need to worry about my mental stamina. I think I’m always worried that I’ll slip in the average, lazy-person mindset of only half-assing things and searching for ways to not give me all. This fear is part of what drives me to always give my best, which is good, however I’m realizing that I’m not a person who will ever not be competitive, not be strong-willed, or not be anxious to do my best. In that regard, it will actually be more helpful for me to realize how to dial back, as opposed to giving more.

I know now that I don’t really have an issue with trying my hardest, and in fact it will be braver and more trying of my natural instincts to tone down my workouts and my do-or-die mentality. Of course I want to keep working and training hard, but something I really want to start to internalize is that for me—the greater way of challenging myself is finding a better balance. This means a rest day, every single week, even when I’d rather not and knowing when I’m on a run or in a race when I need to forego being a winner for the sake of being safe.

Part of being an athlete is understanding both the value of recovery and the value of hard work. I have been very one-sided when it comes to achieving this balance, and it reached a breaking point when I ignored my body’s warning signs for the sake of a certain finish time.

So, to make an already long story short, I have learned that being more cautious and offering my body more rest is ultimately going to make me a better athlete, and I’m happy to have a new kind of challenge ahead of me.

 

Have a great weekend all you lovely people out there! Thanks for following my meaning-of-life journey post-marathon, and I hope that if nothing else, I’ve offered a bit of insight into how pushing through pain only goes so far, and sometimes the harder, gutsier decision is knowing when to stop instead of go.

 

Tell me some marathon lessons you’ve learned! The good, the bad, and the pee-your-pants kind. You’re welcome internet for knowing about that now. Have you ever done that? Please tell me so I don’t feel like a toddler/old person. What are your Garmin suggestions? What are you doing this weekend? Will you help me save that panda from his tree? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THAT PANDA.

 

 

Post-Race Reflections and Ramblings

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Slowly but surely (emphasis on the slowly, namely my walking speed), I am returning back to normal since the *excitement* from Sunday. I have done a little yoga, a little swimming, a lot of sleeping, a lot of horrific foam rolling, and drowned myself in frozen yogurt—all of which are helping to cleanse away the fear and the beating endured in the race.

A BIG thanks to those of you who’ve offered your support, condolences, and general affirmation after reading my lengthy race recap. I truly appreciate your kind words and happy thoughts.

There are many things that have been going on through my head since Sunday, and I think I have started to unwind from the pure shock of it all into some more grounded, realistic thoughts. However, I am still quite askew in terms of my rationalization of the whole thing, and while there are a number of words I could use to describe my current state of mind regarding running, marathons, etc., I think the one prevailing thing I’m feeling is frustration.

Now, before I dive into the specifics of this frustration, let me first say that I realize there are many different opinions on how I decided to run my race on Sunday. I have heard everything from ballsy and inspiring to reckless and stupid (I believe the phrase”psych exam” was in there somewhere), and I want to say that you are entirely entitled to your own opinion.

Personally, in terms of how I view it all, I think that I fall somewhere in the middle. On one hand, I know that I should have never put myself in that kind of danger, and I’m mad at myself for scaring my loved ones and myself by not realizing I’d reached my limit. On the other hand, and I say this with marginal reluctance, but the truth is—I can’t say that I would have run that race any other way. For better or for worse, my mind was stronger than my body on Sunday, and while I will absolutely need to keep this in check, I am also not surprised it happened.

It might be stubbornness, it might be idiocy, it might be determination, or it might be an alternative chromosome—no matter how you characterize my mindset during this race, all I know is that it is 100% who I am as a runner, an athlete, and a person. Which is part of the reason this race has left me feeling frustrated, among other things, and I’m having a hard time trying to reconfigure how to prioritize my goals from here on out.

Part of me wants to run for fun for the rest of the year; just running without regimin or goal time in mind—simply for the love of it. The other part wants to run so many marathons that I’m able to drown out the memory of what happened in Tacoma. I am certain I will land somewhere in the middle eventually. Frankly, I don’t like that a sport I love so much and a sport I hold in such high regard chopped me to pieces so quickly. I spent months preparing to run this marathon—I was ready for it, I was both mentally and physically chomping at the bit to do well, and in 3 hours and 44 minutes it punched those months of hard work right in the face. Well, in the IT band, the hamstrings, the quads, and the calves—to be more specific. It was my own fault, I know that, but at the same time I feel like I was cheated by the laws of all marathon running and general athletic endeavors.

Allow me to explain: Every single sports mantra, coach, PE poster, whatever will tell you, “Pain is weakness leaving to body,” “You’re stronger than you think you are,” and “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift” (yes, I needed to include Pre). Since a very early age, we’ve heard all these mantras, and we’ve been told to believe that our bodies are much stronger than our mind allows them to be. Unfortunately, I internalized these ideas too much on Sunday—and I crossed over the line of my physical potential to my physical limitations.

The entire time I was running, particularly when it started to get really difficult, I told myself all these “mind over matter” sayings—I convinced myself that of course it was hard, it’s a marathon! I thought that the pain I was experiencing was the kind that everyone feels, and all I had to do was push it further—because I was stronger than any mental downfall or shortcoming. I knew I was in good enough shape to run a marathon, in fact I was in better shape than I was for my first 26.2, so the pain I was feeling must have been due to the hills and the speed—not to my own physical deficiency.

I realize how prideful this sounds, and it absolutely is, but more than anything it’s my obscene competitive nature. I am competitive with others, have no doubt, but my most fiery, ruthless competitive drive is with myself and my own goals. So despite knowing I was in more pain than I should have been, and despite knowing that running an 8:10 pace over 26 hilly miles was incredibly ambitious, I could not let up holding myself up to my highest standard.

I knew qualifying for Boston on this course was going to be miraculous. I said this to BF, to my family, and I thought that I knew it myself. However, I also knew, in the murky, victory-craving corners of my brain that it was still possible. I knew that if I had ideal conditions, perfect taper, and a little bit of race magic—I would be able to pull it off, even on a hard course. And…I suppose this was accurate, because had I not literally fallen at mile 26, there is a very good chance I would have qualified. However, instead of letting my training, the course, and the miracle come to me…I forced it, and that was my mistake.

I should have realized earlier in the race that should I qualify, the factors leading up to it wouldn’t be entirely in my control. Because despite how much we’d like to think it, miracle races (as BQing in Tacoma would have been) require a little something more than all the training and preparation we put into them. They require that certain race day magic that lights us up when we need it, and it’s somewhat intangible and undefinable. Unfortunately, I decided to forego the whole “let it come to you” notion and instead decided to make my own miracle happen. Once the image of myself crossing the finish line under a 3:35:59 clock got locked in my head, I couldn’t let it go—even though when I started feeling the wall around mile 19, I should have.

So instead of obeying the rules of “the wall,” something I had never before experienced, I decided to try and run right through it…and then when that didn’t work, I backed up and ran right back into it, over and over again. The funny thing though about walls is that they don’t move, and all that endless beating against my own wall ended up withdrawing every ounce of strength I had in me. I am sure that had I backed up my pace even a tiny bit, all the conditioning I knew I had within me would have regained a bit of control and I would have finished the race in a great time. I couldn’t accept “a great time” though, because I was chasing the 3:35 beast the entire race, and despite all the fire and poison it was spitting at me, I was determined to pin it down.

So, what do I take from all this? Well, there are many things—but more than anything, I think I have learned that on Sunday, my mental conditioning was stronger than my physical conditioning. So often our brains tell us to stop while our bodies have the ability to keep going—however, I experienced the opposite. I didn’t listen to my body, I brushed off my pain as durable, and eventually my mental stamina outlasted my body to the point where my body decided to no longer function.

There is, furthermore, a line between pushing to your limits and exceeding your limits—and this is something I had never really realized or grasped before. I’ll admit I’m a bit confused and worried about the line dividing “far” and “too far,” because up until Sunday, I believed we were capable of anything we set our minds too. Which I still believe…but now to a certain degree. I suppose what I will need to work on more than anything is listening to my body as opposed to pushing myself solely on brain determination.

At this point, I know I have the mental strength to get through a marathon…perhaps too much, and that is something I can still count on the drive me when the going gets tough. However, I am now going to have to work on deciphering between working to my full potential and working beyond my capabilities. Because, yes, I do have limitations…and despite the fact that my self-righteous subconscious would scoff at such a statement, it is the truth—as it is for everyone.

So where does that leave me? Well, I am going to continue to recover, reflect, and eventually I’ll get brave enough to put on my iPod and lace up my shoes. I’m actually still unable to listen to any of the songs I listened to on race day, and even seeing the clothes I wore gives me a bit of a shudder. No doubt, full recovery from this marathon—particularly the metal part—is going to take a while. However, I never shy away from an opportunity for self-improvement, and I’m happy to accept all the humility and re-prioritization it takes to get myself back in the swing of things.

 

I realize this post was rather stream-of-consciousness and didn’t have much of a thread running through it (I suppose not too many of my posts do though 🙂 ). However, this post was very expressive of the way my brain is working right now—just trying to process it all and regain a little composure. I ultimately just needed to get some of my thoughts down, and now that I have I feel a bit freer.

And now, because I am FASCINATED by this right now:

When is “pushing yourself” too much? Where do we divide the line between fighting through the pain and accepting it? Do you think runners are particularly susceptible to this kind of thinking?