You always hear people say, “I’m not a morning person,” or “I AM a morning person!” It’s normally one or the other, few in-betweens.

Rarely do you hear people discuss their preferences/aversions for other times of the day.

Well, I am here to officially state my most recent self-realization:

I am NOT an afternoon person.

In fact, I’d venture to say that I rather dislike the afternoon, and I’d be fine if we just skipped over it.

Pretty positive that you all have guessed by now that I am 100% a morning person. Not only do I preference the morning for running, but I just generally enjoy the energy and promise that comes in the earlier hours. I realize that this is certainly in my nature, and for many people—no matter how hard they try—will never be morning people. Such as my own sister, or this girl. This is no fault to them—and in fact, their productivity at the hours including a “PM” in the title really impresses me.

So let’s talk about why, to me, the morning is spectacular and afternoons suck.

An obvious starting point…breakfast. Breakfast is THE BEST and while I enjoy every time I get to feed, breakfast is always my favorite. Several of my favorite foods are of the breakfast variety, and I’m pretty sure there is no one on Earth who dislikes going out to breakfast. And BRUNCH? Don’t even get me started.

Second, the running. With ever present variables involved with running—namely weather, traffic, and time—the morning consistently proves to be a superior time to get some miles in.

There is very little traffic (aka: stoplights are just pretty lights to look at rather than obey), the temperature is typically cooler and calmer (rain in the PNW tends to hold off in the AM hours), and once you’re done—YOU’RE DONE. No waiting and waiting and waiting throughout the day to run after work, when you’re already ready to crawl into bed.

Or at least—that’s when I’m ready to crawl in bed. Or watch Gossip Girl. Or better yet—a combination of the two with a jar of PB.

Generally, I’m just more productive in the morning. I answer more emails, I stay on task, and I’m generally in a better mood. Yes, this could be a direct result of the fact that I run in the morning—but I think it’s more in my hardwiring than anything else.

So between the hours of 4:45 am (peachy wakeup time, eh?) and, oh, let’s say 1:00 PM—I’m a machine. It’s amazing the amount of things I can accomplish in this time frame, particularly before 8 am. I am typically worked out, showered, dressed, breakfasted, commuted, and at my desk by 8. And on days when I consider putting a bra on an accomplishment (see: all Sundays in the winter), this seems somewhat impressive.

So why, then, after 1 PM does my day start to suck? Honestly, I don’t really know—but slowly but surely, between 1 and 5, my productivity, energy, and attention span start to spiral in a bottomless pit of death. Around 3:15 I start imagining pajamas, horizontal positioning, and a bag of trail mix. That fantasy gets more elaborate as the minutes tick by, and when I think it’s finally time to peace out to Lazyland, it’s only 3:31.

Now, there is a very obvious explanation for this phenomenon: I wake up in the deep buttcrack of dawn, so obviously my energy teeters as the day progresses. Kind of true, but not entirely the reasoning.

You see, around 6, I start to perk up again—as if by some afternoon-turned-evening miracle, the pit of despair has spat me back out into the real world. Once the afternoon is over, I turn back into a milder version of my morning self and can generally maintain some semblance of a functioning person until bedtime.

Also, dessert comes during this time of day, an obvious incentive for some mood-boosting.

So why so much happiness and glitter in the morning, muddy sloth-like behavior in the afternoon, and normalcy in the evening?

My justification: I am not an afternoon person.

Just like so many people aren’t morning people, I’m declaring myself not an afternoon person.

I know that a lot of people experience that 2 pm slump that 5 Hour Energy loves to capitalize on, but this is a whole new level of lethargy. It’s really a general hatred for these hours of the day—and while I know it’s important to appreciate the time we’re given because it’s fleeting and blah blah blah…I just really would rather fast-forward through these hours of the day. And not just work days—no, this is a general statement about every day.

The only thing these hours are good for is optimal sun exposure in the summer, and otherwise—they do nothing for me.

What spawned all this afternoon-hating, you may be wondering? Well, in an out-of-character move I decided to move my run from yesterday morning to the PM hours. Normally, if I bail on a morning workout—I take it as a rest day. But no, I went the fateful route of deciding to postpone my run in favor of more sleep. The extra sleep was nice—but when I was grumbling and cursing my way through my PM run yesterday, I gladly would have taken less sleep over that misery.

Seriously it BLEW, and I don’t know how in the world so many of you workout in the afternoon. I mean, hat’s off for sure, because to me that takes about 6,000x more energy than rolling out of bed and sweating in the AM. It took me oh probably 6.5 miles to finally be like, ok—I guess this isn’t too bad, but believe me it took a lot of angry thoughts before I made it to that point.

So, I’ll stick to my morning rituals, and accept the fact that I’m useless human from 1-5 pm.

Or I’ll get 5 Hour Energy to sponsor me.

WHAT ARE YOU? Afternoon or morning? Night owl only? High on life 24 hours a day?